My cousin's nagging me about how long it's been since I even looked at my blog so I guess now's a good time to write something. And he wants it to be creative. Which I guess means he wants me to pull something out of my ass at random and write about it.
Have you ever noticed how few depressed black people there are? Are there even any? If you know any depressed black people let me know because I'm this close to classifying Blackus Depressus as an extinct species. It probably has a lot to do with how few black people I know compared to white people, but I still think it's odd that none of them have ever been the depressed type. And I don't even mean seriously depressed, when's the last time you saw a black person crying? Yeah, that's what I thought. But in all seriousness, white people are probably just worse at hiding their emotions or something.
Don't get me started on white people (too late). White people are some of the whiniest fuckers on this planet. Boo hoo, I work in a dead-end job. Boo hoo, I have a sunburn. Boo hoo, Jacob doesn't blog anymore. Shut the fuck up. I'm way too busy being miserable over my dead-end job to blog for your entertainment. You know who you are.
On the subject of jobs: I'm a cook now. I make 9.50 an hour. I work the evening shift which means my days basically consist of a work-sleep-work-sleep cycle. Yes, I am miserable. No, I don't want to talk about it.
Wednesday, August 2
Thursday, May 4
Yo Quiero Drugs
So there I am watching the Daily Show and out of nowhere I hear that Mexico is about to legalize possession of small amounts of drugs. And by drugs of course, I mean the ones that you know are bad for you, but you do them anyway because you like how they make you feel when you're on them. You know the ones I mean. I was all like, "Drugs? Legal? What the fuck!? Sign me up!" and so forth, but before I could even pack my sombrero it turns out the Mexican president decided not to sign the bill after all, due mainly to pressure from the United States. So not only is he a pussy for backing down, he's also an asshole for getting everyone's hopes up in the first place.
The biggest complaint coming from the US was that such a move would have "increased drug tourism". There's already a decent amount of drug tourism between Mexico and the United States (cheap tequila, anyone?), but I guess nobody gives a shit due to the double standard society in general has towards drugs and alcohol. They even call it "drugs and alcohol" as if alcohol wasn't already a drug. Anyway, here's an example of the amount of drugs people would be legally allowed to possess:
I believe this would have allowed the cops in Mexico to waste less time arresting people for smoking a joint or two and spend more time on cracking down on the cartels that run the drug trade in their country. I don't know much about the cartels but they're apparently a pretty big problem down there. Of course, we might never get to see the effects (both positive and negative) this kind of legislation would have brought on a country since that fucking pansy Fox decided to back down on it. I think it would have been interesting to at least TRY a new approach towards illegal drug use, since prohibition failed with alcohol so long ago and is now proving itself ineffective towards other drugs. I would have liked to see if Mexico would erupt into a frenzy of rampant crime, unemployment and violence, like what I've been led to believe would happen in a country without an oppressive drug policy. For the meantime, you can always try to bribe Mexican police if you get caught with drugs. I've heard that has a pretty high success rate.
Personally, I think I'll just stick to not acting like a total fucking retard when I do drugs. This plan seems to be working so far; I do an above-average amount of drugs, yet the only time I've ever had any sort of encounter with the police was over domestic dispute issues caused almost entirely by alcohol, the LEGAL recreational drug. Go figure.
I'd like to mention one more time that the president of Mexico is a jerk. Fuck you, gringo. For like ten minutes Mexico was the coolest country on the planet and you had to go and ruin it.
The biggest complaint coming from the US was that such a move would have "increased drug tourism". There's already a decent amount of drug tourism between Mexico and the United States (cheap tequila, anyone?), but I guess nobody gives a shit due to the double standard society in general has towards drugs and alcohol. They even call it "drugs and alcohol" as if alcohol wasn't already a drug. Anyway, here's an example of the amount of drugs people would be legally allowed to possess:
- Up to 5 grams of marijuana
- Up to 25 milligrams of heroin
- Up to 5 grams of opium
- Up to 500 milligrams of cocaine
- Up to 200 milligrams of MDMA or MDA (ecstasy and a similar chemical compound)
- Up to .015 milligrams of LSD (good luck weighing that out)
- Up to a gram of mescaline
- Up to a kilogram of peyote
- Small amounts of some lesser-known drugs I'm not going to bother listing.
I believe this would have allowed the cops in Mexico to waste less time arresting people for smoking a joint or two and spend more time on cracking down on the cartels that run the drug trade in their country. I don't know much about the cartels but they're apparently a pretty big problem down there. Of course, we might never get to see the effects (both positive and negative) this kind of legislation would have brought on a country since that fucking pansy Fox decided to back down on it. I think it would have been interesting to at least TRY a new approach towards illegal drug use, since prohibition failed with alcohol so long ago and is now proving itself ineffective towards other drugs. I would have liked to see if Mexico would erupt into a frenzy of rampant crime, unemployment and violence, like what I've been led to believe would happen in a country without an oppressive drug policy. For the meantime, you can always try to bribe Mexican police if you get caught with drugs. I've heard that has a pretty high success rate.
Personally, I think I'll just stick to not acting like a total fucking retard when I do drugs. This plan seems to be working so far; I do an above-average amount of drugs, yet the only time I've ever had any sort of encounter with the police was over domestic dispute issues caused almost entirely by alcohol, the LEGAL recreational drug. Go figure.
I'd like to mention one more time that the president of Mexico is a jerk. Fuck you, gringo. For like ten minutes Mexico was the coolest country on the planet and you had to go and ruin it.
Friday, February 17
Dear d34dpuppy:
I'm not dead, dude. I'm hibernating. I don't know where you happen to live but over here it's fucking FREEZING outside, so I spend most of my time curled into a fetal position desperately trying to conserve enough body heat to last till spring. Since you refuse to let sleeping streaks lie, I might as well give you some sort of an update.
The non-disclosure agreement I signed prevents me from getting into the details, but I can tell you that my job isn't as awesome as it used to be. I'm now testing a game with so little actual gameplay in it that if gameplay were white people the game would be called Harlem. I don't think my vocabulary contains enough adjectives to describe how boring this so-called game gets sometimes. It's still the best job I've ever had but it's not ahead by as much as it used to be.
I've been watching a lot more tv lately. So much, in fact, that the last thing I expected to happen has happened.
I found a commercial I kind of sort of like. Most commercials make me want to drop a brick on somebody's fucking head so badly that I might have to avoid watching them alone because I don't want to accidentally take my rage out on myself. Fuck, I hate commercials. Except for this one commercial for something called McCain Smooth-eez. There's this kid sitting on the floor building a model or something and his parent walks into the room and accidentally steps on it. The face the kid makes looking up at his parent for a split seconds gets me every time, man. Every time. He just looks so... crushed. I couldn't give two shits about McCain, or Smooth-eez, or any combination of the two, but that kid actor gets props for cheering me up when I need it.
The sentence you're currently reading is about to sum up absolutely everything I know about the winter olympics going on in Torino, Italy, in which Canada has 8 medals as of right now. This impressive wealth of knowledge comes from glancing at newspaper headlines, and not much else. In conclusion, winter olympics = boring.
Guess what, I just looked it up and Canada has 11 medals right now, not 8. So there you go. Like I said, boring.
The non-disclosure agreement I signed prevents me from getting into the details, but I can tell you that my job isn't as awesome as it used to be. I'm now testing a game with so little actual gameplay in it that if gameplay were white people the game would be called Harlem. I don't think my vocabulary contains enough adjectives to describe how boring this so-called game gets sometimes. It's still the best job I've ever had but it's not ahead by as much as it used to be.
I've been watching a lot more tv lately. So much, in fact, that the last thing I expected to happen has happened.
I found a commercial I kind of sort of like. Most commercials make me want to drop a brick on somebody's fucking head so badly that I might have to avoid watching them alone because I don't want to accidentally take my rage out on myself. Fuck, I hate commercials. Except for this one commercial for something called McCain Smooth-eez. There's this kid sitting on the floor building a model or something and his parent walks into the room and accidentally steps on it. The face the kid makes looking up at his parent for a split seconds gets me every time, man. Every time. He just looks so... crushed. I couldn't give two shits about McCain, or Smooth-eez, or any combination of the two, but that kid actor gets props for cheering me up when I need it.
The sentence you're currently reading is about to sum up absolutely everything I know about the winter olympics going on in Torino, Italy, in which Canada has 8 medals as of right now. This impressive wealth of knowledge comes from glancing at newspaper headlines, and not much else. In conclusion, winter olympics = boring.
Guess what, I just looked it up and Canada has 11 medals right now, not 8. So there you go. Like I said, boring.
Tuesday, January 3
wasting some time at work
- 2 hours of sleep
- No breakfast
- Painful cough and stuffy head
- Room full of computers and video game consoles raising temperature to crazy, untolerable levels
Other than that, though, it's all good. My food just got here so I'm gonna go do whatever it is people usually do with their food. I think it might involve some form of eating.
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