Thursday, October 20

blah blah blah

Yes, I'm still alive. Yeah, I'm aware I've barely been blogging. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that all this procrastinating I've been doing lately is really getting in the way of, well, pretty much everything else I've been doing lately. Make of that what you will.

First things first, I quit my job at the shithole. Oops, I mean dollarstore. This decision was primarily based on two specific facts:

Fact 1: I'm moving soon and don't feel like taking the metro every day to work. I'd much rather find another job somewhere closer to where I'm going to be staying.

Fact 2: I was working at the fucking dollarstore.

And the restaurant I was washing dishes at on the weekend is closing until springtime, which puts me into the "unemployed" demographic once again. I saved up what will hopefully be enough money to last me until I get another job, but this time the pressure is on because I actually have rent to pay now. At the moment I'm sort of in between two addresses, but once I get a truck to haul all my stuff over there, I'm going to be living with my cousin near the Plateau in Montréal. For those of you unfamiliar with the Plateau, it's like downtown and a rich residential area fucked and the Plateau popped out, only with more hippies and a big fucking mountain right in the middle.

Anyway, painting my room is taking much longer than I had expected (this is mainly due to previously mentioned chronic procrastination) but once it's done I'll finally be out of this sketchy neighborhood and in a somewhat sketchier neighborhood. Oh well. No amount of sketchiness is going to stop me from getting out of this goddamn house.

Well that's enough blabbing about me for a while. I'd like to blab about something else for a bit. For example: What the FUCK is up with all these hurricanes? It's like every time I turn on the news another expert is shitting their pants over the next storm that's going to whoop the Gulf Coast's proverbial ass. First, Katrina comes and destroys New Orleans like it was some kind of five-year-old's sandcastle I smashed at the beach last summer. Then, Mother Nature gives America just enough time to blame Michael Brown before hurricane Rita comes out of fucking nowhere and pulls the same shit again. And now there's Wilma, showing up late to the party but making up for it by being the strongest one so far.

Now I know this is a horrible tragedy for most of the people affected by it, and to laugh at them during their moment of need would be pointlessly rubbing their faces in it. But I also know I'd be a liar if I said I didn't snicker when I first heard New Orleans had been turned into Atlantis. I mean, it's no secret that I don't care much for America. Note that I said America, and not Americans. America is a country, Americans are just human beings that had the misfortune of being born in America. So when America gets put in its place by something that nobody has any control over, I'm happy.

About a week or two after Katrina hit I was watching TV and a commercial comes on raising money for hurricane victims. No big deal, just a concerned organization trying to help out those who need it. Then somebody had to run their mouth and include something in the commercial about "together, we can prove human nature is stronger than Mother Nature". Oh really? I was under the impression that the people who thought that in the first place are the ones that now need rescuing from their rooftops after Mother Nature coughed in their general direction. If human nature is stronger then why isn't there a hurricane death toll? Where are all the organizations trying to raise money for hurricanes damaged by American buildings? That's right, there are none because Mother Nature could kick humanity's ass without even trying. They should have just said "human nature is stronger than God" as long as they were going to start claiming superiority over fictional characters that represent the unexplained and unpredictable.

Speaking of unpredictable, I predict another terrorist attack in the states sometime before Bush's presidency ends. With the country spending tons of money left and right trying to rebuild a city on this side of the world and trying to finish a liberation/war/constitution/democracy/etc on the other side, the terrorists would have to be pretty ignorant to not realize this would be a great time to strike. Since I know someone out there will misinterpret what they just read as me condoning and/or inciting terrorism, I'd like to point out that from a terrorist's point of view, it would make sense to attack soon. Not to mention that Bush is less liked every day, meaning any retaliation to an attack would be highly criticized and most likely somewhat lackluster due to lack of two crucial elements: public support and good old bling-bling.

I feel sort of like an idiot ranting about things that don't concern my country at all, but can you really blame me? If I was to write about all the exciting things that happen in Canada... well then I wouldn't be writing about very much now would I? Oh yeah, I went there. The closest Canada has had to a disaster lately is a plane going off the runway in Toronto, and nobody even died. Not even one old fart who couldn't handle the suspense and croaked of heart failure. Nothing. Canada is so boring we have to watch other country's news and get outraged because our own news puts us to sleep.

Okay well I'm getting tired of typing now so I'm gonna go somewhere else for a while.


Anonymous said...

Fact 2: I was working at the fucking dollarstore.


The rest was just bonus comedy.

shesh said...

ha.. in your face america

MessedRocker said...

*phew* that was a long one

Lumbergh-in-training said...

I feel sort of like an idiot ranting about things that don't concern my country at all, but can you really blame me?

Unfortunately, whatever your neighbour does, the rest of the world is affected big time!

Good luck to you getting a better job.

Jess unit said...

Just because your breath reeks of rotten lunchables doesn't mean MINE has to.

Anonymous said...

hey go a head and laff at people that r 2 stupid 2 live neways

gl on gettin a new job, but all in all working sux

marriedman said...

Ok, I have a few things to say,

Over on my blog (no, I'm not pimping it out, it's part of my point), we do what we call "Fudgepacker Fridays". During Fudgepacker Fridays, we "out" a famous person. They don't have to be a celebrity, but someone that we all know. Next Friday, we are doing the corpse of Terri Schiavo. I searched for some material, and found Terri's blog. That's some funny shit. I'm sure you hear that all the time.

So, that's how I found you here.

Now, that being said.

If I worked at the dollar store, I would have gotten out of there a long time ago. Good call.

Anonymous said...

i like you
you pay out america

Gwen said...

awww, i dislike america too, but unfortunately, i was one of those poor souls that just so happened to be born here. that said, everyday that Bush is in office, Canada's lack of news is more and more appealing.

calibound said...

dude right the fuck on!!! im an american but that was fucking awesome who fucking cares if you make fun of some stupid asses who live fifteen feet below sealevel but still bitch when they get flooded!DUH oh and about bush and another attack watch the news lately? he's trying to sell us out to terrorist unbeknownst to him of course(sarcasm)im with you on the idea of another attack happening i just think it will be our government doing the attacking this time they wont admit it of course oh yeah since im an american the nsa will probably tap your phone since i talked to you about my shitty fucking fascist piece of deseases horse shit government god bless america

calibound said...

also sorry about the ridiculously long comment once i get goin about my country it's hard to stop! so is canada really as nice as i hear? boringness aside of course