Monday, December 13

Artificial happiness

I'm pretty sure I may have discovered an alternative to Prozac. If this gets out the pharmaceutical companies might have me assassinated.

Just put a t-shirt in the dryer by itself for about 10 minutes, then as soon as the dryer cycle finishes open the door as fast as possible and put the t-shirt on. As long as the normal climate where you live isn't above ten million degrees celsius every day, a warm t-shirt will make you happy no matter what. It's even better in the winter. Spend the entire day in your boxers shivering and complaining about the heat, then when you are about to go to bed put on a freshly warmed shirt and jump into bed. If you're still either cold or cranky after that, well then go fuck yourself because you're hopeless.

Friday, November 19

Quick Recap

  • America fails to impress the world, again
  • Bush sucks, still
  • Cameramen who show the world what war is really like deserve to be shot by their own country, apparently

I wasn't aware that a cameraman doing his job was a threat to our country. When stuff like this happens, I don't know whether I should be thankful or sad. Of course it's sad to know soldiers are killing unarmed people across the world, but every time it happens I hope that people will start to wake up and realize that war isn't a game. For the people that think the marine is an evil man, a scumbag, a cold-hearted killer, ask yourselves what you would do if YOU were in his shoes. Assuming, of course, you weren't already dead or injured. When it's a choice between risking your life and immediately securing your safety, you don't have time to think about "morals". I don't support the war or the kiling of unarmed, wounded people but I'd probably be lying if I told you I wouldn't have done the same thing.

This is a WAR. Not a debate, not a tea party, not a after-school fistfight. In wars, people kill other people. It's a lot easier to say you're liberating a country when you don't know what's really going on, isn't it? All of a sudden the truth comes out and not only is the bearer of bad news condemned, but people are quick to blast the marine in question. Let me tell you the simple truth. PEOPLE ARE NOT ALWAYS "NICE" AND DO NOT ALWAYS FOLLOW THE "RULES". I'm pretty sure that's the general reason behind going to war in the first place. What makes anybody think that their country is an exception to human nature?

As much as I wish these things didn't happen, I learned that the sooner I accept the fact that they always have happened and always will, the sooner I can form a more realistic opinion. I just wish more people would stop seeing things in black and white.

On a less serious note, I quit my job because they put me on commission and that place in general sucked a lot of ass. If anybody ever calls you and asks you to grab your checkbook to verify your identity so that they can remove your banking account information from a computer system that other people have access to, just hang up on them.

Oh and I just found this valuable lesson on everybody's favorite drug propaganda website:

one day i was walking along and i saw sum people smoking sumthing, it smelt funny, and sum1 sed it was tea, and that it felt real cool 2 smoke, so i tried smoking tea at home, but got really sick, ive also tried sniffing vitafresh powder bcause sum1 said it got u high, but i got sick again, my parents werent happy,so ive stopped taking drugs. take notice of my warnings, stay away from drugs if u dont wana get sick i know from my drug experience

Don't smoke tea, you goddamn moron.

Monday, November 1


So yeah, my DSL modem just lit up and as soon as I get the username and password from Look, I'll be back up on interweb with all you fine people.

Oh and be sure to watch The Daily Show this week, what with all the electing going on right now it ought to be entertaining.

Sunday, October 24


This weekend, my dog Carlo had to be put down because of a sudden stomach problem he developed only late last week. It came out of nowhere and by this Saturday he was unable to eat from it. We tried to treat him with antibiotics and special food but by Saturday it became clear that he would probably not recover.

I might have said I hated him but everybody knows that isn't true. I'll miss you, buddy.

Thursday, October 21

Telemarketers SUCK

So apparently I got a job yesterday, yeah I know I said I would never go back to telemarketing, but you know how things work out some times. The only difference is that now instead of selling old geezers credit cards I have to convince them their bank account is in danger and get their account information as verification. I probably should feel bad scamming people like that... but you know what, I don't.

Without giving away more details let me just tell you that the number of people who would read out their chequing account info over the phone to a complete stranger is actually pretty scary when you think about it. Suckers.

Monday, September 27


You may have seen the famous video on the internet of the LARPers, or Live Action Role-Players. Basically they dress up like Everquest characters and act out huge battles, but in the video they pretend to use magic and spells also. A wizard (or mage or something, I don't know how they decide what to call themselves) throws little darts at another guy and screams LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! over and over. It's pretty geeky.

Well Montreal has something sort of like this, but with no magic spells. Every Sunday about 50-70 people get together on Mount Royal and fight each other with fake swords, staves, armor and hammers. Me and two friends went to the mountain yesterday and some guys asked us if we felt like trying it out. We did.

It was geeky, but also sort of fun.

Friday, September 24

I'm Still Here

Yeah so I haven't had internet at home in a while now, so that's the main reason why I haven't written any blogs lately. It takes me like half an hour to write a good blog and every time I get started on one in school or at a friend's house I don't feel like it after about 3 minutes.

So what's going on over here? Not much has changed... I still really hate TV. Last night on CTV news they covered such compelling stories as a fire station in Winnipeg taking heat because the firemen were looking at porn on the station computer. So let me get this straight... they risk their lives every day for stupid shitheads who fall asleep with a burning cigarette or can't cook french fries properly and burn their house down but OH NO they looked at porn so they should be punished. I mean christ if everybody who watched porn got in trouble for it, humanity would have been enslaved by itself a long time ago. Oh yeah I forgot it's because firefighters are supposed to be good role models for kids and pornography is BAD. It will make you go blind and you may become addicted to it. Give me a fucking break.

And to finish it off, CTV's final story of the night was on whether or not Britney Spears faked her marriage, either for publicity to sell her new album or due to legal issues. I think the real question is: Why the fuck does anybody care? Why haven't the people that do care been deported to the Sun yet? CTV seemed to express the opinion that if the marriage was fake, it was for publicity reasons and that she was just trying to stay in the spotlight until her new album comes out. Maybe they should realize that by covering the story in the first place, she's already succeeded in drawing attention away from the important things in life and towards her.

Now I might have expected to see this kind of crap on eTalk Daily (don't get me started on that piece of shit excuse for a show. Everybody who thinks anything reported on that show is even mildly important should be shot out of a cannon into a black hole.) or Entertainment Tonight, but not fucking CTV NEWS.

Then again maybe I don't really hate TV. I mean I love Family Guy and The Simpsons and The Daily Show but hate almost everything else on TV, but I don't hate TV itself. I guess I should say I hate what's on TV at almost any given time.

Friday, August 27

This is odd

So apparently I'm in college or something now. I just finished my lab assignment in Fundamentals of Computers and decided to kill some time before I go meet my friend at 12:45. Might as well let you guys know what's up.

Today's first class at 8:30 was cancelled meaning I only had to come in at 10:00. So that's already putting me in a good mood. Then, we get assigned two really easy assignments involving copy/pasting definitions out of Windows' help file and writing a paragraph about 'why I chose Computer Science at Dawson'. So that's more good stuff. Then as soon as we finish that we're allowed to leave, meaning I could leave at anytime after 10:50. The lab actually finishes at noon so I only had to sit through half of the class. This happens in a lot of other courses where the teacher basically says "Umm, we're done. See you Thursday." and everybody looks around at each other for a few seconds before running towards the door. This is great.

On August 13th I was at Warped Tour on Ile St. Helene (I refuse to call it Ile Jean-Drapeau because I like the old name better). I'm not gonna go into the details about it now but I will tell you that it was beyond amazing. I think I have to make up a new word to describe it. Amazome. Like, amazing and awesome. The only pictures I took were of my feet when I got to my brother's house later on, but they haven't been developed yet. When I get them and scan them I'll try to write up a full report but until then just picture me getting dropkicked in the face because some fat girl thought she could crowdsurf but nobody could lift her and she got thrown in my direction.

Wednesday, August 11

Leave me alone

Yesterday while waiting for a bus some random woman made her way to the bench I was sitting on and exclaimed "Phew! Made it here in one piece!". I was the only one around so I couldn't just pretend to assume she's talking to someone else which is what I usually do when scary people try to talk to me so I had to fake a smile and a kind of nod type thing. Unfortunately I think this gave her the green light to start talking to me about the weather.

For the next 15 minutes she kept saying dumb things like "Damn this humidity" and "Oh, I just noticed the street lights aren't working. That must be why so many cars are speeding today" until I kind of pretended to be asleep. Then she figured she would try to catch my attention with "I wish it would snow just once in July. You know, something to give us a break from the sun. I had a friend once from Alaska, don't really remember their name, but they told me something once along the lines of 'Yeah it snows pretty much whenever it gets cold in Alaska' but then I thought to myself isn't it always cold in Alaska?" and laughed at it for like 5 minutes.

THANK GOD at this point it started raining relatively hard. Usually I would be angry if it started raining while I was waiting for a bus but this time it was like God himself was pissing on my shoulders. See, this forced the random hunk of meat that was currently talking to me to seek dryness inside the bus shelter. It wasn't raining too hard so I figured I could just sit in the rain and avoid talking to this scary lady while she was inside the shelter.

Of course even this master plan was thwarted when she commented, "Guess the rain doesn't bug you that much, eh?". Even with it raining and me quite clearly trying to ignore her she didn't give up. I replied "Well, as long as it's not raining too hard."

No more than 5 seconds later, it starts raining at least twice as hard. I realized I must look like an idiot to the guy that is crossing the street to come wait in the shelter. Oh well, at least I'm not being forced to talk to that buttertroll anymore. Once he showed up, she switched targets and I was alone for a bit. She tried talking to him but after about two minutes he left and took a bus across the street. Luckily she didn't try to make contact after that but it still sucked.

Then when we got on the bus she asks someone in the front "Can I sit there?" meaning the seat next to the lady she was asking. The lady gets up and walks to the middle of the bus without saying anything, and the crazy pyscho lady tries to say "Oh no you don't have to move I'll just sit right here!". I didn't say anything at that point but if there's one thing that lady DID have to do, it was move. There was no way in hell both of those people could fit in two seats side by side, with one of them taking up at LEAST one and a half seats. Don't kid yourself woman; you're fat. There's no way to pretend you aren't, so why don't you save yourself some trouble and admit it.

Thursday, August 5

Halle Berry is fucking annoying

Am I the only one that doesn't give a shit about Halle or her new movie Catwoman? Not like it's a shock to anyone but apparently the movie did pretty badly at the box office. Jesus christ did that movie look like a vortex of shit or WHAT. Of course that doesn't stop eTalk Daily from trying to hype it.

Just before it was released the local entertainment news show tried to make people see it by showing clips from an interview spread over a few days. I think they split the interview into parts so that the intended target audience, who wouldn't remember anything past two hours before the show itself, would fail to realize that all the interview consisted of was Halle and one of the absolute worst human beings I have ever seen on TV talking about that goddamn whip and her leather outfit. I think whoever wrote the questions for the interview must have drank a gallon of LSD then scribbled down any question which might be interpreted as something related to cats. Here's the gist of it:










Sorry to use caps but it's really necessary to show how fake the interview sounds. I think what E-Talk Daily did was just replace every word above with something similar in the thesarus, then play it on TV the next day and pass it off as a different interview. The only reason I sit through that shitheap of a show once in a while is to remind myself of why guns were invented.

That, and I really hate how everyone is like OMG HALLE BERRY IS SUCH A LEADER AND SHE'S A GOOD ROLE MODEL and shits their pants when there's nothing really special about her.

PS: whip

Sunday, July 25

Insomnia for dummies

I woke up at 4pm yesterday, then played video games until midnight. My friend picked me up in his car, we drove to Tim Horton's and stayed till about 2am. Then we came here and watched The Mask on VHS. He passed out on his couch and here I am posting at 6:33am.

Summer + unemployment = freedom.

Thursday, July 22


Alright it's time to go meet some friends and walk around the Just For Laughs festival like a bunch of tourist idiots. Bye.

Sunday, July 18

Status report

Uh, so without internet my house is apparently pretty boring. I've been coming over to my brother's house to use his computer most of the time. No luck with the job search but I have an assload of CV's to hand out tomorrow (if it doesn't rain). If I get lucky I'll get hired at EBGames.
Other than that I went to both the Jazz Festival and Just For Laughs in the past week. Jazz Fest was pretty much just tourists and drunken frenchmen poking you in the back for about an hour and a half trying to get a better view of whatever was going on. Then when you turn around to leave people push you forward out of their way and you get angry and leave.
Just For Laughs was pretty good though, a bunch of outdoor stuff going on like acrobats and kangaroo costumes and music. Triumph the comic insult dog is in town but it's 33$ to go see his show. If I was rich I'd be going, but maybe I'll get a glimpse of him outside making fun of French people.
It's raining a lot in Montreal which sucks a donkey's ass cuz it's really humid and hot in the morning then rainy and cold at night. Oh well.

Wednesday, July 7

Vote Ice Cream Dude for Prime Minister

So anyway the other day me, Myke, Nick and Nick (who shall be known as Farmer Nick and Nick with the Fro, respectively) went to the mall to waste some time. Some time in between trying to play free Xbox at Future Shop and staring at some kids play Dance Dance Revolution, we decide to pool our money together to get a 4 litre tub of ice cream and some spoons so we can eat it outside. 10 minutes and 7 dollars later, we're sitting outside Maxi on the patio chairs that they were displaying and scooping out ice cream with these cheap plastic spoons that are barely the size of a bottlecap.

We looked like dummies but it was worth it. A few people comment on us on the way into the Maxi with stuff like "That ice cream looks good" and stuff like that. Then, this random old guy who looked at least 60 years old walks up and says "Eh boys, having a picnic or what?" in a really strong generic old Italian man accent. Farmer Nick offers him some ice cream and he sits down at the table with us for a good ten minutes and eats ice cream with us. We talk about the weather and whatnot until we're ready to leave. I guess he went into the Maxi after that, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was just a hobo in a nice shirt trying to bum some ice cream off us. Either way he was the coolest random ice cream eating old man I've ever met and is worthy of the title Ice Cream Dude.

That's my story.

Saturday, July 3

Another prom picture

Not pictured, but his shoes were black shelltoes with flames on them.

Friday, July 2

If only

I'm not allowed to write on the board in Physics anymore.

I wish

  • Public transportation in this city was better. A lot better.

  • I had a job.

  • Stoney wasn't in Ottawa last night.

  • There were fireworks every night.

  • I had my high-speed internet again.

  • My biological clock wasn't totally off.

  • People weren't so afraid of teenagers. Last night we kept telling groups of people "Happy Canada Day" but only two of them answered. Jerks.

  • I was watching the movie Snatch right now.

  • Lists were easier to make.

Monday, June 28

Hooray for sober people

This, my friends, is Andrew Barney.

Looking good, Andrew.
PS: He doesn't remember a thing.

Saturday, June 26

I done graduated, sucker

Whoa, where the hell do I start this crazy post.
Me and my date went to meet a bunch of people for this kind of pre-prom party thing. That wasn't anything special but here's a picture of it anyway.

Then it's off to the Ritz Carlton in a red Pontiac Grand Am (what can I say, I like to splurge) to go pretend to be happy to see our teachers and eat 95$ food. Here is a picture of Ryan Burns which sums up the entire event.

In this second picture we have a hairy beast and Stoney on the right.

Here is the hotel room we rented for the night. Kayla is on the left while Alex is standing up and Bryan is sitting on the far right.

A bunch of stuff happened here where I forgot to take pictures or was to busy tending to people while they threw up repeatedly. We didn't drink or smoke anything, though. Honest.

At 2am we decide to go to McDonald's down the street. Everybody can barely walk and the McDonalds is full of drunken teenagers screaming some nonsense about graduating.

Soon after getting back we go back outside to not smoke. Note the following sober people:

Half an hour later these two fall asleep and people randomly enter our room. A whole bunch of people are asleep in the other rooms so the ones that are still up come to stay with us.

The rest of my pictures are mainly people passed out on floors which isn't anything too unexpected. I'm gonna try and get some more off my friends and upload the good ones here. For now here is a bonus picture of Bryan.

Monday, June 21

And away I go

My internet should be cut off any minute now. It just stalled for a few minutes which reminded me to write something to let you know where I'll be.

I have to get a job before my mom will hook it back up so tomorrow is a good day to start handing my CV out. That internet cafe place turned out to be a hellhole and I'm too young to work there anyway. So now I have to try and get a job at Subway or McDonalds. For real this time. I mean it.

No, really.

Sunday, June 20


This is Kirby. He is your new leader.

Damn you, biological clock!

I told myself I wouldn't go to bed past 4am tonight.
I told myself I would get some sleep in before 4, so I could wake up at noon at the latest.
I told myself this because I woke up at 6pm today. Even though I managed to make plans with Stoney, I still missed out on a lot of free time.
I told myself I would go to bed, wake up, have a big breakfast then maybe look for a job.
I'm telling myself now that it's 5:17am.

See you all at suppertime.

Thursday, June 17

The reasons guns were invented

1) hayy ppl im sittin herre
((im 13/f/n ne one herre live in nj?))
toosweet4sugar55 PM me if ya wanna chat

2) Hey I'm new to this AIM girls thingy, so if ya wanna chat IM me on AIM. My s/n is beachbabe49613 ! Thanx! Mwah!

~*Katie*~ xoxo

3) heyy! welcome to aimgirl! I hope u like teh sitee,, and if u have ne ?'s feel free to pm me**

I think the scariest part of this post is how little I had to look around to find these quotes.

Wednesday, June 16

Public Service Alert

We interrupt this post to bring you FREAKY PHYSICS TEACHER FROM HELL

Tuesday, June 15

I hate McDonalds

A friend just recently informed me that her friend is looking for someone to fill a spot at a local LAN cafe type place. Basically the job involves sitting in a chair and tapping at a computer randomly whenever somebody walks in. I figure I might as well get paid for what I do in my spare time so I'm gonna try to get the job. My only worry is that somebody will realize how great the job must be (christ, do I ever NOT want to work at McDonald's) and get it before me.

I'm not usually a praying man, but if you're up there, please help me Superman.

Photoblog test 1.5

And this is a picture of my computer that I kinda like. Enjoy.

Photoblog test 1

This is a picture of me to test out Photoblogging.

Monday, June 14

I'm still alive

I stopped blogging for a bit mainly because every time I think of something good to say I forget it by the time I get home and get discouraged, but now I promise I will try to let all two of my loyal readers know what's going on more often.

Anyway I come back to for the first time in around a month and they've totally redone everything. That includes adding a whole bunch of fancy new templates which I think I will use from now on. The old one was nice but a change is good once in a while. I don't really feel like writing a new template so this will have to do for now.

What's new? My prom is in two weeks and I need a summer job, desperately. That's what's new.

Here is a picture of some ducks.


Saturday, May 8


There was something I was supposed to tell you.... something important...

Oh, yeah. I'm in like Toronto or something right now. I just went to the CN Tower and took a bunch of pics which I'm currently uploading to Yahoo! Photos. So I'll paste the link at the end of this post.

We went out for breakfast at this restaurant called like Charlie's Charbroil or something, but they wouldn't serve me because the health detector said nobody under 18 years old is allowed in the restaurant because there are smoking sections in it. What the hell? In Quebec you're lucky if your food DOESN'T contain more carcinogens than the average ton of asbestos... here they don't serve you because you might sue for getting cancer in their restaurant? Anyway I just waited in the car while the guys I was with ordered for me and that was that.

So here's the link, eh.

Thursday, May 6

Toronto Trip 2k4

Well it's been confirmed that I'm going to Toronto on Friday afternoon and leaving some time on Sunday. I'm probably going to leave school at lunchtime tomorrow because we have to arrive in Toronto relatively early to set up at the LAN, so that's sort of a bonus.

I'm thinking of redoing the site to a kind of roundish, bubbly design, but I'm not sure yet. I'm way too busy with the huge pile of homework that every teacher seems to be piling on during May, which is another reason why I love my school so much.

Monday, May 3

PureLAN 6

Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated. I'm trying not to forget about my two readers but it's really hard when I'm spending all of my time playing StarCraft or Diablo II on BattleNet.

Speaking of video games, this past weekend I attended PureLAN 6 hosted by LQJR. All in all the event was great but they had some pretty crappy Internet which made playing on BattleNet sort of a pain. Apparently the tournaments had some problems but that didn't affect me as I'm not skilled enough to bother with them. Lan ETS is still better than LQJR, though.

This weekend coming, TFL (Toronto Fun League) is hosting a LAN party in Toronto. I may be going to this one, which would also be my first time to Toronto. So that's pretty cool, I guess (dorky cool).

If I do go expect pics and a writeup here.

Wednesday, April 14

Stupid mouse

For the past week or so there have been mice running around in my room. I'm not sure how many but I would assume it's more than one. Anyway I was just on the PC when I heard one of the little fuckers scratching around near the corner of my room. I went over and realized that he was inside this old PC that was on the floor. It's one of those really old 486's that is wider than they are tall, and a panel is missing from the front of the case. I assume that's how he got inside.

So I tilted the case and sure enough he ran up to the panel to try to escape. Once he saw me looking back at him, however, he ran back inside. Stupid mouse. Then I propped the case upright with the open panel facing up, and stuck a paper towel in the slot where he came out of. I am now the proud (not really) owner of a pet mouse. Of course, I can't see him, but I can hear him scratching at the walls of the case trying to get out. I wish I still had my cats so I could put the case in the bathtub along with the cat, and let them fight it out. Mice can't climb bathtub walls very well so it wouldn't turn out very well for the mouse. I'll probably shake the case out over the bathtub and drown the little guy. Hey, it's a shame but I sure as hell ain't letting him roam around my room anymore.

Oh, and you know the guy that always leaves 2 drops of milk in the carton just so it looks like there's milk left, then when you go to pour yourself a glass all you get is barely a mouthful of milk?

No, I'm not him. I hate that guy too.

Tuesday, April 13

Ach! Mein update!

It's been a while since I updated this thing... guess I've been too busy doing nothing.

Most of my level went to the Europe trip this week so now it's 19 days of free periods and random chaos in school. There are like 10 people in some of my classes... the teachers just basically say "Do what you want" and we talk for 50 minutes. Every period. I guess it would have been nice to go to Europe (5000$) but this ain't bad either.

I applied for a job at Subway the other day and I will probably apply to another one closer to my house soon. If I get this job you'll probably see me expose all the rumors behind Subway like the toppings are two weeks old or they don't bother washing their hands or whatever. Most likely, I'll just whine about French people though.

You see, the only reason I specifically chose Subway is because of the simplicity of their menu. You can order a 6 inch, a 12 inch and maybe a cookie but that's about it. I can barely make out what a lot of French people are saying most of the time because of how fast they speak. Working at a McDonalds, with their huge menu, would probably confuse the hell out of me to the point where I burn the place down. Now Subway, on the other hand, has a relatively simple menu. Even the meats are universal in some cases... "steak", "roast beef" and "tuna" are examples of this. If I get real lucky, mostly English people will show up and I won't have to bust out my crappy French. Oh well, that's what I get for living in Quebec.

Lately I've been playing a little bit of Battlefield: Vietnam which is what I'm going to go do now. Before I go, I just want to leave you with something special.

You know that guy who always says the punchline to a joke before someone else can?
He'll usually stay quiet during the joke's setup, but at a point just before the punchline is ready, he'll proclaim it to the world because he's already heard the joke before. Usually just before the joke teller finishes his sentence, he'll step in and take over. Example:

"What's the opposite of Christoph--"
"Christopher Reeves!"

Of course, the setup was "What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?", but this guy didn't wait for that part to come before finishing the joke himself. Almost every group of friends will have this guy in it.

I'm that guy.


Thursday, April 1

Prom shenanigans

So everyone is currently obsessed with either their newfound acceptance letters to college or the upcoming grad night. When I'm not hearing someone say "I GOT ACCEPTED INTO JOHN ABBOT BABY WOOOOO" as if the person thinks that the president of Canada just personally invited them to attend Harvard, I'm hearing about hotel rentals and prom dresses and limos and afterparties.

I don't get how you can get so worked up over prom. It costs you about the entire yearly budget of a small African country for one night. Then you leave the dance to change clothes and get as wasted as humanly possible. Why don't people just skip all the stuff inbetween and go right to the parties afterward?

I'm probably going to spend around 86$ total for prom night. Instead of renting a tux I can just buy one of those white t-shirts with a bowtie drawn on. Classy and affordable.

Wednesday, March 24

LAN ETS 2004

So I ended up getting to the LAN at 11 on Saturday and let me tell you the wait was worth it. Over at the gallery you can check out some pictures they have, and I may upload mine soon. The place was 100% full to the brim with people (443 in total) and everything went great. I got myself a new mousepad as well as won a new fan controller, fans, neon lights, fan grills, thumbscrews and a car lighter adapter for my PC through the random giveaways. Now my PC is green and blue inside with a fancy prancy knob panel for adjusting the lights and fan speeds. GO USA!

Friday, March 19


So I'm supposed to get a ride to this LAN party tonight, right? The guy tells me 5:00pm LATEST is possible for him. So I cancel plans to get home early so I can unplug and pack my PC. This is at around 4:30pm. The time is now 11:50. My PC has been plugged back in since 10:00pm so I could check where my ride is. See, almost seven hours have passed since the LATEST possible time he was supposed to be here... not an e-mail, instant message or phone call to let me know he wouldn't show. And now at the last minute Stoney invites me to her house except I waste too much time trying to get a hold of my ride to make sure he doesn't show up at my house at 12:30 with me in LaSalle, and it's too late to do anything but go to bed now.

If I had known I would only be going to the LAN tomorrow, I could have gone to see Dawn of the Dead with an assload of friends then slept over somewhere. I wouldn't be replugging my PC in just to check on the status of my ride.

Let's just say I'm not in a particularily good mood.

Monday, March 15

By the way, I don't miss TV

Has anyone seen those Tropicana orange juice commercials? Where some random person sees someone else drinking orange juice, they are overcome by jealousy and steal the juice using a hilariously* long straw? The few shows I watch a week are constantly interrupted by this shitty ad. Doesn't anyone ever notice that it's amazingly unrealistic and unlogical?

First off, if I turned around and someone was drinking my orange juice I wouldn't look up and smile at them like I had just won the lottery or something. I would probably bitchslap them like the woman in the commercial should. When someone steals your stereo do you see them in court and smile at them as if you were best buddies? Even if it was my friend who was swiping my juice I'd bitch at them. Second, why is the girl that steals the juice on a cruise if she can't afford to buy herself a damn glass or orange juice? Either Tropicana is trying to say that women or cheap or their product is expensive. I hope somebody got fired for that one. And third, the whole concept of sucking juice up through a straw that's 6 feet long it pretty stupid. If you didn't pass out first, the juice would mostly leak out through the gaps in the places that the straws are stuck together. And don't even try to say that it's just one big long straw because who the hell brings a 6 foot long straw on vacation?

It's a shame, too. I still like their orange juice.

* Not hilarious.

Saturday, March 13

A Modern Hero

I have pretty much stopped watching TV for the past year or so now. Of course there is still the occasional show when I'm bored, and I watch movies on my computer a lot, plus watching TV while at a friend's house... but that's pretty much it. Then how is it that I know who William Hung is?

First, about American Idol and why I don't like it. Every single show (besides the last few which I can't force myself to watch, mainly because Jenny Gear destroyed my eyes last time) can be predicted with the following layout:

Random singer tries, sucks badly. Simon shows disrespect and elitism by laughing while the person is singing, and looking away in boredom. Paula Abdul smiles and sometimes dances along with the singer, even if they are terrible. Hey, at least she tries not to hurt their feelings. Randy is kind of neutral between nodding his head to the music, looking away if the person is really bad or just sitting there being fat, which is what he seems to be best at. Then, Simon will say "You're terrible, thank you for coming.", Randy will say a sentence containing no less than three occurences of the word "dude", and Paula breaks the news that the person has potential but just isn't what they're looking for. Occasionally, someone good will come on and everything will be different (Randy still says dude a lot) but it happens so little that I don't even care anymore. And don't you dare forget about the end credits where the worst singers from the show rant into the camera about how Simon is a bitch and that they're really good and nothing can convince them that they suck. Including the fact that everybody thinks they suck. 90% of the time, the person who is whining will be black, gay, or both.

BONUS: Oh, and sometimes the judges convince each other to give the guy a chance because he looks like he has talent, and then one of the judges will change their decision and the singer goes "OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH" and cries. Randy says "Good luck, dude" and the show goes on.

Now, back to William. This guy sucks. But in the good way. Instead of trying to defend himself in front of the judges at American Idol and making an idiot of himself (for an example type "black girl on american idol" into Google) or verbally attacking them, he admitted his defeat with the simple line "You know, I have no professional training in singing." Thanks for the news flash. Of course, now he has a record deal, his own website and thousands of fans.

Maybe I should give Canadian Idol a try.

Tuesday, March 9

Sorry, piggies

I've always wondered what it must be like to be a vegetarian. Do you get some kind of a membership card? Do you get 15% off on video rentals? Where do I sign up? But I think the biggest thing I wonder about is: How on Earth do you do it?

I don't think I could go without meat for one week. I find meals start to taste pretty average without a big hunk of meat in my mouth every once in a while. Sure, I've had vegetarian meals before... vegetarian lasagna, soups, pastas and a few other pretty tasty dishes but I don't think it would always be that easy. For example, I couldn't just make a sandwich when I get hungry. Of course, I could make peanut butter sandwiches but I'm honestly not too fond of them anymore. Being a high school student, the very few vegetarian meals they offer in the cafeteria every once in a while look pretty scary (even moreso than the other food-like substances they serve there). Another big factor is that I don't really like cheese. I can stand it on pizza, or a little bit on a salad or Subway submarine or something like that, but in general I don't want a big lump of rubbery cheese in my mouth. This leaves me with very few options if I were a vegetarian.

Oh, and did I forget to mention just how good meat tastes? Give me a good old-fashioned hamburger over a tofu salad any day.
My vegetarian friend once told me she had a BBQ with her family during which she ate hamburger buns with mustard on them and not much more. First of all, that sounds so boring. Knowing I could be chowing down on steak instead of a plain old BUN would be torture for me. Second, those buns probably contain minimal amounts of the recommended daily intake of... oh, I don't know... EVERYTHING? Even for a small guy, I like to eat a lot, so I would probably have to eat like five or six hamburger buns just to satisfy my hunger. That's a lot of buns.

You may have seen the videos at the PETA website protesting the meat industry and whatnot. I have and let me tell you right now that they're not friendly suggestions anymore. Slaughterhouse footage, debeaking videos, throat-slitting... they send a strong message. It's a shame these things are happening, but I just don't think I have the willpower to be a vegetarian right now. Maybe in a few years. So for now, it's "Sorry, piggies. Sorry cows, chickens and turkeys. Sorry pigeons, rats and old newspaper shreddings (I enjoy the occasional hotdog now and then). You just taste too good."

My name is Jake, and I am a Wannabe Vegetarian.

Welcome to nothing.

Some of you may know me as that crazy nutjob from Absolut Blog and some of you may not. This blog was started to serve as a little more serious weblog that some people may find just as interesting as my other one. In short, there is going to be less "HOLY SHIT NINJAS ARE COOL" on this blog*. Oh, and I'm the only poster here (for now anyway).

I 100% coded this site myself so it should stay like this for quite some time. I may change the color scheme if I get bored, though. Now, stick around and the fun will begin.

* Ninjas are still cool, though.